It’s been a strange week.
I’ve been feeling blocked for most of it, resistant to sit down in front of a blank page.
I remember once hearing that if you feel blocked, it’s not because you have nothing to say; it’s because you have so much to say.
A mental clutter of thoughts, ideas and emotions piling on top of each other that it feels hard to focus or locate a starting point.
I look around my home and notice all the other spaces that have felt chaotic and cluttered for far too long.
The pantry and spice cabinet ~ filled with bags and boxes of spices piled on top of one another and crammed into random corners, always out of sight when needed most.
The backyard… the ivy plants completely overgrown and twining into every crevice and nook they can. The brand new patio furniture that has been untouched for weeks as dust, leaves and bird poop claim the space.
The bedroom closet… oh the bedroom closet. An overwhelming clutter of clothes, suitcases and random odds and ends. The room that feels too overwhelming to touch.
Call it Virgo season or the transition of seasons (I honestly don’t know what’s compelled me this week)… but every inch of my being has felt this sudden urgent need to organize and declutter.
To clean out the closet, literally and metaphorically, and create space for whatever is to come next.
As I started to confront these monstrous spaces, I noticed a very interesting pattern occur with each and every project:
PHASE 1: Resistance ~ I feel the deep-soul urge to clean; I research how I might want to organize the space and I order the supplies I need. And then when I have all the ingredients… I resist. I tell myself I’ll do it tomorrow. I tell myself I’ll do XYZ first. I distract myself with whatever I can. But deep inside, I can feel that inner pull nudging me to get up and get it done. So reluctantly, I get started…
PHASE 2: The point of no return ~ At this point, I’ve started the project. I’ve pulled all the spices out of the cabinet; moved the backyard furniture out of their regular spots; piled all the clothes out of the closet and onto the bed… it’s the point of no return and often, it feels pretty overwhelming. At this stage, I see the enormity of the task at hand… the insane jungle of ivy leaves that need trimming; the mega pile of clothes that need sorting; the endless collection of spices that need organizing. It’s all out there, sprawled in plain sight. At this stage, you can’t look away. You can’t abandon ship because you can’t just leave everything out and exposed like that. So you take a deep breath, (message your partner about how fucked this looks lol), and then get to work.
PHASE 3: Flow State ~ once I get going, I start to find my rhythm. What once felt overwhelming now begins to have a flow of its own. The more I get into it, the more I discover joy in the process. My mind gets absorbed in the task at hand and I feel a sense of inner quietude and peace. Me and the project become one and everything begins to find its place. A few hours later and I can’t believe how quickly I got through it all. Every single time, the project is so much easier and faster than I anticipated.
PHASE 4: Contentment ~ mmmm the feeling of pure satisfaction when you look at the beauty & cleanliness of a space that used to be messy and chaotic. I open and close my freshly organized spice cabinet and closet way too many times, just to savor how tidy it looks. I peek outside my windows and smile at the inviting yard we can now enjoy. I patiently await my partner’s reaction when he gets home and sees the closet for the very first time. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment that this space, that once felt so uninviting, now breathes a fresh new essence. I did that! I think to myself.
The irony of it all is that as I write this piece, I’m getting ready to leave my tidy home and jet across the world for the rest of the month. As I write this piece, I have indeed created space and yet I have no idea what this next season of life will bring. As I write this piece, I feel a sense of closure taking shape (of what, I don’t yet know).
But what I do know is that after cleaning out my closet, I am here, writing this piece.
~~
Thank you so much for being here! To support my writing, please consider subscribing or pledging your support 🤍
~~
What I’ve been loving this month…
This book, The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac ~ I devoured this at the beginning of the month while being a beach bum in the south of Portugal. I am always so in love and inspired by Jack Kerouac’s writing and this book in particular sparked a lot of joy & contemplation for my spiritual heart.
The depth of conversation in our Sad Girls Club Circles 🥹 I felt inspired to share one of my favorite meditations from the Sad Girls Club Collection with you… it’s called Living Your Own Venusian Dream and you can find it here
The entire discography by Sunniai, which has pretty much been on repeat all month long 🤍
~~
In case you missed it…
See you next month,
xx aaliyah
Omg I had the exact same experience a few days ago where I just needed to clean out the whole house😅 the stages are so relatable
I can’t wait to see what’s to come for you and I’m so thankful for space you hold for our beautiful conversations in sad girls club🫶
Literally just journlaed before - I WANNA CLEAN OUT EVERYTHING. Just started a substack yesterday on Detoxing and bam here you are. The vibes are 💘